Keep Up! Relationships Q & A Random Humor Just for Kids
How To Get Over a Break Up
(USA)
When a Heart Breaks, No, It Don't Break Even
Dr. Julia,
I was very happy with my boyfriend of over four months. I knew his dad was sick and in the hospital, and I was always there for him through it all.
I knew it was a stressful and emotionally draining time for him, so I never vied for his attention or made him choose between his family and me; that's something I would never do.
In fact, I admired the fact that he stood by his family at the hospital every day, so I would visit him when he came home and send the family cards and things like that.
One day, his mother even hugged me and told me how glad she was that he had me, because he needed all the support he could get, and that he was a great kid.
I told her I know he's such a wonderful person and that I'll always be there for him. It was great.
Then, a week later, I get very ill and I'm bed-ridden, and he doesn't call ONCE. He can't take the 2 seconds to text "how are you," but he has the time to play video games with his friends suddenly?
I was upset, and I didn't want to be too demanding because I knew his father was sick, but when I heard he was playing video games with his friends all the time now, I got pretty bothered that he didn't care to call or text me to see how I was doing on my deathbed.
On the fourth of July, while I was still sick in bed, I text him and ask what's going on, why he hasn't texted me in the past week.
He calls me and breaks up with me, just like that. He says his family comes first. I never even made him choose!
And in the past, he had always made me tell him what was bothering me so he could be there for me and we could work through it. Why was this time any different?
I thought at first he didn't want me to see him weak around his sick dad, but letting go was definitely weaker.
The next day I e-mailed him because I had to know what happened.
He basically tells me he never REALLY loved me, but that he always cared about me (like that's what I want to hear after he tells me he never developed feelings of love for me) and that he hopes he can remain friends because we're part of a lot of the same activities on campus.
Plus, all of our roommates are friends, and we're in clubs together, so we'll be seeing each other a lot in the fall (we're in college, if you couldn't infer from the roommate talk).
Anyway, I e-mail him back one last time just to get my two cents in, because I didn't say much during "that" phone call since I was so shocked (and being at a loss for words clearly isn't my thing).
He says that it's silly for me to say we may never talk again, but if I choose to never talk to him again, for whatever reason, that's my choice. Like he wouldn't care.
I have never been so hurt in my life. He was my first love, and I really thought we could've ended up together. I can't see myself with anyone else but him.
Maybe I'm sounding pathetic, but I don't like ignoring feelings and I have no shame in wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I am very self-confident and have never had the problem of worrying that I'll never find someone, but all of a sudden, I feel a tad bit hopeless.
I keep believing we were meant to be together (he even said so himself during our relationship... along with other things about how lucky he was to have the most understanding and loving girlfriend, and that I was the best girlfriend in the world, etc.
Were they all lies? They must've been...). This will certainly take a hit on my ability to trust others, even though I'm a very trusting person and that's the only way I know how to be.
I just think I need insight on this situation. My friends have been really supportive and have tried to tell me that he doesn't deserve me, that maybe it's just bad timing but in the meantime I need to move on.
Do you have any words of inspiration to help make this any easier?
Dear Brokenhearted,
I don't think that there's anything to be said that hasn't already been said a million times by thousands of people.
It's the time thing. Time will pass and you will start to feel better. As much as we hate that response, it's the truth.
Do I think your boyfriend was lying when he said you were the best girlfriend in the world? No. Any idiot can recognize a good girlfriend when they see one.
But sometimes, for whatever the reason, people don't want someone good or great or real. We can't even begin to guess why, and really, we shouldn't bother to try.
We have enough trouble trying to figure out our own selves and why we do the things we do. So don't go over and over in your head why, how, or what was he thinking, saying, or meaning - you'll just drive yourself crazy.
Will you ever trust someone again? Well, if you don't, you'll never really be able to love.
You can't build up a wall to protect yourself and love someone. Love opens us up - makes us vulnerable to all sorts of things - both bad and good, happy and sad.
You'll be okay. You just need a bit of time. And try to look at the bright side...
Break Ups Stimulate Creativity... and the Economy!
All the best songs are the ones about heartache, and without break ups, the tissue industry would go broke the moment cold and flu season ended.
