Teen Girls and Body Image

by Kevin
(Reston, VA)

My name is Kevin and I'm 17 years old. I discovered your website when I was Googling for advice and I thought you might have have some good insight on an experience I had recently.

It involved a girl I had just met at a dance. We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off. She was very pretty, smart and nice. We even exchanged email addresses. I was so excited!

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment, but instead she became deeply offended.

I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments, but I think I only made things worse when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, WHOP!, she slapped my face and departed.

As I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, with my friends nearby laughing at me, I was wondering why she was so offended.

She had a classic hourglass figure - very busty, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. Why can't girls embrace their curves?

Btw, I do have her email address. Do you think I should email her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as another way of seeing she does not want to see me again?

Dear Kevin,

The wallowing spot you find yourself in is probably not a "body image" complex on the part of this teenage girl.

If I had to guess, which apparently I do, I would say that she thought you forward and fresh, perhaps.

Saying such things on your first meeting, however well meaning on your part, can easily be taken as shallow or "a guy only interested in one thing".

I can appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness concerning the beauty of this young lady, and the slap in the face may have been a bit harsh (or a deserving result - You admitted to Googling my site, you may have been googling this girl with your eyes!)

Going forward into the future, you may want to bite your tongue on first meetings.

It's best to stick to the old, "That's a very pretty dress you're wearing" for a quite a few dates.

If things work out, there will be plenty of opportunity to tell her what you really think of her... and that dress!

Sincerely,
Dr. Julia

P.S. An apology can never be wrong!

P.S.S. Some gals are just not receptive to certain talk, no matter how long into your relationship. See the communication trouble this married couple has!